- Fix aim, doesn't cover everything, needs method etc. see notes and tips in previous post.
- objectives too general, think about SMART
- conceptual background: make sure to reference, reason good but relate to ourselves or speak in 3rd person, define empathy in context of your project not what others say, too many quotes, dont use obama due to political views, location can be covered in the aim, main contributors not correct are they really main contributors? word it differently.
- project description completely new should be mentioned in aim, imagery needs to be higher standard, is it really interactive?, took meaning of empathy too literally, fundraising technique not media related, can say we did project in conjunction with a charity and share the link to their donation website or come up with better way of integrating it digitally.
- research and design methodologies ok- ish but will be easier to write when first three sections are fixed, think of action verbs again see notes in previous post.
- proposed timescales not mentioned.
* on the topic of fundraising trevor told me about a guy called Aaron Koblin.
He looked at how amazons mechanical turk works, how you can get someone to do tasks for you or do tasks for someone.
here is a link to amazons mechanical turk site https://www.mturk.com/mturk/welcome
Aaron Koblin used this idea in a few different interesting ways..
1: to get people to draw sheep see the video below.
instead of sheep maybe people could draw children?
check out the site http://www.thesheepmarket.com/
2: http://www.tenthousandcents.com/index.html
"Ten Thousand Cents" is a digital artwork that creates a representation of a $100 bill. Using a custom drawing tool, thousands of individuals working in isolation from one another painted a tiny part of the bill without knowledge of the overall task. Workers were paid one cent each via Amazon's Mechanical Turk distributed labor tool. The total labor cost to create the bill, the artwork being created, and the reproductions available for purchase (to charity) are all $100. The work is presented as a video piece with all 10,000 parts being drawn simultaneously. The project explores the circumstances we live in, a new and uncharted combination of digital labor markets, "crowdsourcing," "virtual economies," and digital reproduction.
3: http://www.bicyclebuiltfortwothousand.com/
